I hate all girls vehemently.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
