You're so nebulous sometimes
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
