I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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