can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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