Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
