I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
