btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
