I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
