is your mom at the bar?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
