Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
