Me. At least after what I've been through.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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