I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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