I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
