So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
