dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
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