Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
