Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
