So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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