if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
