the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
