god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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