LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
