I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
