everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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