I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
