Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
