And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
