he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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