Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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