i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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