Your mouth is God's brothel.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
