how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize