lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
