I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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