i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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