I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
