You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
