Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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