So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
