I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
