Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
