i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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