I can tuck mytits in my pants
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ok first of all what the fuck
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
