Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
