This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize