It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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