So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize