went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
