Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
