I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize