Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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