i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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