why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
