Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
