Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
