Jerry, you need to find god
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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