mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize