I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
