Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
