apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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