i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
