Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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