the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
