sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize