Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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