I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
