very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize