Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
