You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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