woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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