We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
is it fun? or sober?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
