Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
