My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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