when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
