that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
