I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
