I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we're so committed to being not committed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
