I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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