Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
