I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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