By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize