btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
