just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
