You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
