getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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