"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
pray to the hookup gods
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
