If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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