What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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