That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
