Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
