i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
