The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
