if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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