I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i think i just lost a toe
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
