Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
