So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
