wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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