Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
